Monday, 7 March 2011

feeling a bit down in the dumps

hey everyone, sorry this isn't a real post, per se, but I just need to talk about my feelings a bit (people always groan or so when I start talking about my feelings - sorry!).

I'm feeling so stressed at the moment due to multiple things but I won't talk about everything, as I know some people I know read this blog and I don't feel like divulging everything to them. That's why I never talk about my crush as I'm scared it would get back to him and I'd just feel like an absolute knob then. So, as most of my issues concern, it's school again. My first issue is that I need enough points to get an average of 38/60 in all languages put together. So to give you an example of my points, I have about 30 in german, 34 in french and 56 in english. It's enough, but I don't feel it's fair as the english is the reason it's so high and it's an unfair advantage as I am english. Now in french I got 14/30 in this written part due to not respecting the fact that we had to write 200-250 words (OH, I am SO sorry I wrote so much!) and the top of the class guy also wrote too much yet DIDN'T get points taken off. So I went to my teacher and apparently I got them taken off cause my style's not good and too many grammatical mistakes.

Well, you know what? It feels as if my teacher is just trying to make things so much harder for me, despite knowing I need to get the points. She knows I'll do anything I can to improve, I'm going to Paris for two weeks in the summer for an intensive summer course because literature is the only thing I like and I can't imagine doing anything else at school. This is making me really upset cause I hate it when teachers try and motivate you through reverse psychology by saying you're shit, basically. So this is a lot of stress for me especially as I'm currently failing German (although, my german teacher believes in me and seems to really want me to do languages. She even told me I've managed to pass my lit history test, although not by how much, but it's an improvement.) and I can't handle the added stress from french.

So why not just do other subjects? The other ones are maths, biology and sciences, economics, art or general. I can't do any of those and could never imagining doing them. Keeping my options open, I went to a lecture thing about sciences after school and it was just not my thing.

On top of this, I have a bio test tomorrow and I can't remember anything. I even wrote everything down from the book and it's just going in one ear and out the other. So I'm gonna fail, and then if I compensate it with marks from other subjects, most likely english as that is my best subject, and then I won't have as many points for the languages and it just feels as if everything is going wrong now.

I know this is nothing compared to other people on the blogosphere's problems, but to me they're pretty big and I just can't stand the idea of being a failure and I feel I need to live up to what my sis was like at school. On top of that, I have no idea whether my crush likes me or not, most likely not, I just feel so inferior to him and just wish so much he would like me back and am just so stressed about it all.

Sorry about all the rambling but I just needed to get it off my chest.


  1. Hey, don't worry about it, you'll do well :D honestly. Thankyou for the deutsche comment auf meinem Blog ;] xx

  2. Sorry to hear you've been feeling down lately sweetie :(

    I know it's easier said than done, but just try not to let things stress you out too much, I know how school and grades and stuff can get really overwhelming at times, but it does sound like you're really trying your best and the fact that your German teacher is encouraging you to do languages is clearly a good sign - don't be so hard on yourself!

    I'm afraid I'm no good at giving advice about boys at all, but generally I just try and remember that boys are stupid. They really are.
    Just repeat it to yourself, every now and then, like a mantra. It helps, honest ;)